Friday, April 24, 2009

DREAMER

I guess I would describe myself as a bit of a dreamer. I am definitely not a realist which can get me into trouble at times. Thankfully Adam is the realist in our marriage, which provides a good balance.


Lately I have been dreaming about my life, our future, and our family adventures.


Over the last 7.5 months as a new mom I have battled with feeling like I needed to be this perfect, responsible, realistic, Martha Stewart type mom and wife. A mom who knows how to sew her own baby clothes, make gourmet dinners each night, and keep the house perfectly neat and tidy. I am not sure where this pressure came from, I think I adopted some of it from our culture and some of it I just put on myself.


I felt that I needed to let go of my old self and embrace a new self. I felt like my old self wasn't adult enough. Yet I really struggled because I felt comfortable in my old skin, I liked who I had become, I enjoyed being me (I know that sounds strange to say).


Over the last few months as I have prayed about this dichotomy going on in my heart. I have realized that I am a different person than I was before Harper, but that doesn't mean that I have to trade who I was for someone different. I feel like God has shown me that I am free to be me. I don't have to fit into a certain mold.


I desire to walk with Him and to allow him to change the places in my heart that need to be changed but I can still be me. This has been so fun and freeing and I feel like I can dream again and I feel that God has replaced some feelings of insecurity with self confidence.


Here are a few of my dreams. I know that some may be unrealistic but that is why I have this blog to give me a place to DREAM

* GO ON A MISSION TRIP: I have never been on a mission trip and would love to go one day with our community group and all of our families.

* LEARN TO PLAY THE GUITAR: I have always loved to sing and a few years ago I got a guitar a for Christmas. I took a few lessons and could play a few worship songs but then life got busy and I stopped practicing. I would love to dust off my guitar, which is located in our downstairs coat closet and get it re-strung and re-tuned and learn to play again. If you know someone who can help let me know.

* RUN ANOTHER MARATHON: I love how running provides an outlet for me to relax and not think about anything. I can get into my zone and just enjoy the beauty of the outdoors. I would love to train for one more race before we start trying to have another baby.

* GO BACKPACKING: When I was in college I worked at a summer camp in Ocoee Tenn, I was a camp counselor and led backpacking trips through the Smokey Mountains. I loved the beauty of the mountains and the chance to get away from the world. I would love to go on a backpacking trip with Adam once Harper is done nursing. I would love to hike a stretch of the Appalachian Trail.

* TRAVEL TO: Costa Rica and do the adventure thing, go on a cruise to Alaska, go to Greece, Italy, Australia and New Zealand. I want to go and not have an agenda and just explore as we go along.

* LEARN TO SEW: I am definately not an artistic person but would really love to sew. I want to make clothes for Harper, little pillow covers and anything else that is interesting. I think that sewing is becoming a bit of a lost art


These are just a few of my dreams for now. I will post more as they come to mind. DREAM ON DREAMERS and SHARE your DREAMS with ME!




2 comments:

erynn said...

I love who you are. That was a great post. Praying for you and thankful for you.

Mike Netzer said...

Sara - you're a great mommy! Keep dreaming! (in a good way)

my dreams:
-write a speech
-visit (missionally or otherwise) a third world country
-brew my own beer
-publish a book
-I'm sure there's more...