Sunday, October 12, 2008

Being a mommy

It is hard to believe that I have been a mother for a little over a month now. I am still trying to figure out what that looks like and who I am as a mother.

It has been an amazing, crazy, tiresome, rewarding, challenging, beautiful and awesome experience thus far. It is hard to put in to words how much you love this little person that can't talk and can barely make eye contact with you, but yet you have this overpowering strong connection with. I know it has only been a month but it seems like I can't remember my life without little Harper. She has brought us so much joy and now Adam and I sit around and talk about how we want to have 10 more just like her =)

I never thought my life would change all that much when we had a child but it has and I love it. Adam and I used to fill our weekends with jaunts to Austin, New York, Oklahoma City and other places. We would plan our weeks around where we were eating out on the weekend and who we were going to see. Now we seem to really enjoy just being at home with each other and our new little family. It amazes me how we can sit and just stare at her for 45 minutes and just watch her sleep. She is pure entertainment.

More than anything though my eyes have been opened to not only the amazing gift a child is but also the amazing responsibility it brings. I have prayed more in the last five and a half weeks than I ever have in my life. I am daily dependant on Christ for the wisdom, guidance, and patience I need to care for her. My heart has been drawn closer to the heart of our awesome father through this miracle of life and I have a deeper desire to know him more and to train our precious little one up to know him too. I am realizing how much I still need to learn about him and am eager to learn in time to teach little Harper as she grows. 

God has used this precious gift to humble me and to remind me of my selfishness. He has used it to help me lay down my life each day to be used for his purposes and glory and for that I am thankful.