Tuesday, June 9, 2009

What God is doing....In Me

So lately we have been so busy with friends in town, family get togethers, graduation celebrations, birthday parties etc. I haven't spent as much time with the Lord lately and I can tell and I know that others can tell too. My attitude has been a little negative and I have definately felt frustrated, and weary at times lately. I tend to get in this cycle and it is a hard thing to break.

Our life feels balanced and then I allow appointments, friendships, my own demands, and desires to throw things off kilter. I have a really hard time opperating in the middle. Things in my life tend to be all or nothing. I am working on trying to consitantly maintain balance and boundaries in my life. I know this is something that I will always be working on. I usually get to a breaking point and then take a few days to rest and relax before I am at it again ahhhh. I admit I am EXHAUSTING at times =)

I know that God wants me to have balance in all areas of my life and I have seen the ways that he is changing and growing my heart. I struggle with wanting to fix things for others, wanting others approval, chasing the desires of this world (material possessions), not wanting to miss out on anything and I know that many of these things take up much of my time.

I believe though and have HOPE that God is changing me. Over the last few months God has consistantly brought this verse to my mind over and over again.

Ezekiel 36
I will sprinkle clean water on you and you will be clean. I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. I will put my spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and to be careful to keep my laws.

I love this verse because it gives me great HOPE. I know that I am far from perfect and I know that God is perfect and that he can bridge the gap in my heart, He can bridge my insecurities, and my faults.

I so often pray that God is giving me a new heart and a new spirit inside me and that I am following his decrees more closely today than I was yesterday or a year ago or 5 years ago. I don't want to be the same. I constantly want to be changed, to be better, to be more loving, generous, kind, faithful, caring, thoughtful, quiet hearted, a better listener, and a more teachable person.

Thank you Lord for the work you have done in my selfish heart. I pray that you would continue that work until completion, until the day I get to see your face. You are a good God.

There are days that I get down on myself and the fact that my struggles and faults are so apparant but then I am reminded that that is why I need you in my life. Thank you for your grace and your patience and your willingness to love me where I am.

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